Don't let me fool you, I'm happy to be here.

Born and raised in the Motor City (that's Detroit, Arnie) which would explain my love for Red Wings hockey. Transplanted here from Cleveland, Ohio...which would explain my love for the Browns. I know how to read, write and do simple math, however I prefer calculators. Are you really still reading this? Bio pages are so lame. I've been working in radio for over 15 miserable years. 

While I went to college I was also part of an all women's wrestling league called KPOWW! (Kalamazoo Precinct of Women Wrestlers) and wrestled under the name "Corporate Cristi". I used to bludgeon the other wrestlers with the contents of my briefcase and my finishing move was called the "Glass Ceiling". We would tour and do shows with bands like The Donnas and Sleater Kinney. I believe that was around the time I developed my love for whiskey.

When KPOWW! came to an end I don't think it was a surprise to anyone that I had sparked an interest in Roller Derby. Back in Cleveland I played for the Burning River Roller Girls. Since moving to California, I have joined the ranks of the Sac City Rollers. My skater name is "Skellawhore" and my number is "Room 237". Yes, I was a fan of He-Man growing up, and The Shining is my favorite movie. Come see us play sometime. It's a blast! See our schedule at www.saccityrollers.com

If the email we have received thus far is any indication, apparently this is what you came to my page to find out:

- Despite what you hear on the radio, no I am not a lesbian.

- I don’t have any kids, and no thank you, I don’t want any.

- No, you don't have a chance, so don't even bother.

- I am addicted to stand-up comedy.

- Chances are, I have better taste in music than you.

- In my prime I’m sure I could drink you under the table. Now however, I do it to make you less ugly.

- Yes, I am tattooed. My favorite tattoo is the anchor on my leg, in honor of my old roller derby team The Cleveland Steamers. I also have a skeleton/mermaid (skermaid?) on my opposite thigh in my new team colors, and tears tattooed on my fingers so I can taunt crybabies. There are also two other tattoos on my back, but we don’t talk about those… they are for private parties only.

xoxo,

Cristi